I have, these past several months, plunged myself into a world of fantasy novels ranging from the Twilight Series, to Wicked Lovely, A Great and Terrible Beauty and of course, Eragon – just to name a few (trust me, there are more) – in addition, I have become enamored with a television series called The Seeker that is based on The Sword of Truth novels by Terry Goodkind. As well as my own writing which, of course, is aimed at the Young Adult Fantasy Fiction audience. So, I recently concluded that it has become crucial at this point, for me to diversify my reading with something different, a classic perhaps? Or an up-and-coming contemporary non-fiction writer? I don’t know – anything - because I have begun to show signs of “Over-Fantisification” and here they are:
1. Last night, I was immersed in the third of Christopher Paolini’s series, Brisingr, sitting, curled up on our leather couch in our dimly lit living room when I heard Amelia begin to cry. Now, for those of you who know our house, you know that our living room and kitchen are separated by a small square archway where a sliding door once was but has remained in disuse for a long time. In that square doorway, we have a child gate to both keep Amelia in the childproof living room during the day when I am working, and to keep Seymour, our ferociously large cat out of the living room area. That gate was in place when I heard Amelia begin to cry. Now, a person of sound logic would have gently removed the gate prior to passing through the doorway. A person showing signs of “over-fantisification” however, like myself, decided it would be more suitable idea to get a running start from my position in the living room and leap over the gate in a hurdle-like fashion. I am not a hurdler, nor am I a fantasy hero. So the result was that I nearly went plunging to the hard kitchen floor, I gained my balance just in time, but not before I landed hard on the balls of my feet, jarring my teeth and slightly pulling a muscle in my leg. Of course Amelia stopped crying when I got to the top of the stairs.
2. In my mind, I have purchased a horse and named it “SilverMane” – Are there such horses with silvery manes in nature? Because, and I am neither joking nor exaggerating, I have run across three silver-maned horses in various fantasy novels and I want one for myself. (I realize that I am not very creative with names….I never have been). I have already made arrangements for SilverMane’s care. There is a home down the street that is advertising stable space for horses. I will ride her in the evening, after Amelia has gone to bed. Together, we will explore the Snohomish River Valley.
3. My dear friend Olivia and I were walking down the street one day and we saw a very pale-faced gentleman in what looked like semi old-fashioned clothing. Olivia happened to mention, off-handedly, that he looked like a vampire in one of Stephanie Meyer’s books. So I thought “what if he can read my thoughts?” which made me think “don’t think of anything weird.” Which of course made me think of weird things – which made me think “if he can read my thoughts, he is going to think I’m weird.” And then I was a little agitated at him for thinking I was weird – he was the one that looked like a vampire.
4. One night, Jers and I were sitting in the kitchen – I can’t remember exactly what it was we were out of but I asked him if he wouldn’t mind running to the store to get it. His reply was “I think it can wait.” I started with the normal-person wifely pleas but when he persisted with “No.” I narrowed my eyes at him and said, in what I thought was a Queenly voice “You WILL go to the store!” He raised his eyebrows in amusement and we both laughed. “It was worth a shot.” I said. “Not really.” He answered. “No.” I replied shaking my head and looking down at the table.
5. I found myself staring at our cat one day (shortly after watching Prince Caspian with my dear husband) and wondering if he could, in fact, talk and he was just keeping it a secret from me.
6. I was sitting in the living room with my husband one day and I exclaimed “I want to grow my hair long.” He smiled and said “Like one of the heroine’s in your fantasy novels?”
My response out loud: “No! Of course not! That’s ridiculous!”
My response in my head: “yes…..”
7. I woke up this morning to find a small pierce mark in my hand where there seems to be some sort of splinter. The area around it is somewhat swollen. “It’s just like the seeker!” I whispered (yes – that means out loud). For those of you that I’ve roped into the series, you know exactly which episode to which I am referring. At that point I furrowed my eyebrows and realized that I have a problem.
So no more fantasy for me folks – except for my writings and, of course, my commitment to my book club, I am going to branch out for a while and lay the fantasy aside. Suggestions are welcome.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Tuesday, October 6, 2009
Great Band out of Portland with an unfortunate name that does have an interesting history to it. They are in the process of re-naming themselves - because, as irony would have it (you have to read their story to understand the full scope of the irony), they are really starting to become rather popular. I just had to post this catchy synthesizer pop remake of Cindy Lauper's Girl's Just Want to Have Fun. It just makes you want to do a happy dance.
Thursday, October 1, 2009
My New Hero Blogger
Thank you dear Rachel for being so brilliant as to point out this very worthy post. I think I want a Snow Cone Machine:
http://thebloggess.com/?p=4050
http://thebloggess.com/?p=4050
Wednesday, September 23, 2009
Saturday, September 19, 2009
Tuesday, September 15, 2009
Inspiration and Apparitions
Greetings to the four people who read my blog and thank you (you too mom – thanks for the support)! Anyway, just a couple of quick notes – it pains me to not write as much as I would like but I am working on the very large task of turning my Master’s Thesis into a novel. What I thought would take months of inspiration to even come to fruition has, in fact, launched me into a fervor of writing and I find that I desire to spend every waking moment retiring to the refuge of my office (okay let’s cut the pomp – by office I mean, desk propped against a window in my bedroom) and typing out my story with mind-numbing speed. My dear husband was my greatest inspiration. I remember pouting on our staircase about a month ago – wallowing in the feelings of unfulfillment that only a newly crowned thirty-year old could possibly understand.
“Just write.”
“But I can’t.”
“Yes you can.”
“No I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know what to write.”
“Figure it out.”
“I’ve tried. I don’t like my thesis.”
“Then re-write it so you like it.”
“Okay.”
And that, my friends, (and mom) was the inspirational conversation that launched me into a fever of writing that has possessed me to write nearly 150 pages in three weeks while working full-time, raising a one-year-old and maintaining a large array of plants that I just had to have. Whew. The bad news is that those 150 pages are just the beginning; I haven’t even gotten to the main plotline yet- which is all laid out neatly in my head. I find myself thinking of scenes in my mind throughout the day and I seriously space out with my mouth half-open and then run to my computer to quickly type the scene before I forget any of the dialogue (picture Mitch zealously writing his inspirational poetry at the end of A Mighty Wind).
On one of these occasions Amelia put her little hand to my cheek and called out “mama?” as in “uhhh…..you okay there?” It’s been very fulfilling but tiring nonetheless and has completely drained me of any other form of creativity. Seriously, I’ve been eating baked chicken and rice for like two weeks now.
Also – I would like to point out that I recently watched a movie with Keanu Reeves in what I think is his best film yet – really. It is called The Day the Earth Stood Still – I am not going to even try to think of a justification for paying the $3.99 to rent the movie, but anyway, I rented it. In it he plays a stoic quasi-robotic monotonic voiced alien whose mission is to save the earth. I know what you’re thinking, Keanu Reeves – stoic and quasi-robotic speaking in a monotonic voice? That’s out of the norm – I know! But really, it was a masterful performance – that character was made for him. Very well played out – so if you want to see some great acting rent that movie. Okay – really don’t rent it, I wasn’t being serious.
I should note that I am currently reading A Great and Terrible Beauty with my Book club friends, suggested by Olivia, (good book) and sneaking Brisingr on the side (If you want to see the maturation of a writer as played out in a series, read his books).
Also –I was appointed the task today of teaching my mother to Instant Message. She discovered her IM feature on her computer and this was the extent of our conversation.
Mom: Hi
Me: Hi
Trust me - it's progress.
Well that’s it for now. I’m currently sipping on my writer’s elixir (a nice piping hot cup of French-pressed coffee) which is probably going to leave me wired for much of the remainder of the night - laying awake wondering why I thought drinking coffee at 9:40pm was a good idea (it seemed so glamorous and fitting at the time – I should stop trying to be glamorous – it really doesn't work for me).
Oh yeah, one more thing worthy of note, as you know Jers and I recently purchased a house that was built in 1912. My cool new book club friend told me (when Jeremy was out of town of course) that there is a ghostly presence in our living room that comes every so often to check on the house and make sure everything is in order. I took it really well at first and pretended not to be scared when they left (I even made myself do the dishes in the kitchen) and then I turned every light on in the house and ran upstairs and shut the door to our bedroom. I quickly realized (and I don’t need to go into the details of how) that the bathroom in our bedroom was out of toilet paper…what to do?? So I grabbed Seymour, our 20 pound cat and my hastily-deemed protector (okay let’s face it, those of you who know him know that he is no protector, but at least he would have made a great living object to fling at any ghostly presence) and, despite his loud whining protests, he accompanied me downstairs where I very rapidly grabbed a roll of toilet paper and stumbled up the stairs back to the bedroom. I figured since the figure only checks on the living room, my bedroom is a safe haven but I will admit, I have been doing my best to keep the living room clean and also to be more entertaining for the ethereal being. My cool new friend did say that she felt nothing but a sense of peace from our house which I do feel too, really. But still, my guard is up and I’m not ashamed to fling my 20 pound cat any shadowy figure in my living room that’s not supposed to be there. Sorry Seymour.
“Just write.”
“But I can’t.”
“Yes you can.”
“No I can’t.”
“Why?”
“Because I don’t know what to write.”
“Figure it out.”
“I’ve tried. I don’t like my thesis.”
“Then re-write it so you like it.”
“Okay.”
And that, my friends, (and mom) was the inspirational conversation that launched me into a fever of writing that has possessed me to write nearly 150 pages in three weeks while working full-time, raising a one-year-old and maintaining a large array of plants that I just had to have. Whew. The bad news is that those 150 pages are just the beginning; I haven’t even gotten to the main plotline yet- which is all laid out neatly in my head. I find myself thinking of scenes in my mind throughout the day and I seriously space out with my mouth half-open and then run to my computer to quickly type the scene before I forget any of the dialogue (picture Mitch zealously writing his inspirational poetry at the end of A Mighty Wind).
On one of these occasions Amelia put her little hand to my cheek and called out “mama?” as in “uhhh…..you okay there?” It’s been very fulfilling but tiring nonetheless and has completely drained me of any other form of creativity. Seriously, I’ve been eating baked chicken and rice for like two weeks now.
Also – I would like to point out that I recently watched a movie with Keanu Reeves in what I think is his best film yet – really. It is called The Day the Earth Stood Still – I am not going to even try to think of a justification for paying the $3.99 to rent the movie, but anyway, I rented it. In it he plays a stoic quasi-robotic monotonic voiced alien whose mission is to save the earth. I know what you’re thinking, Keanu Reeves – stoic and quasi-robotic speaking in a monotonic voice? That’s out of the norm – I know! But really, it was a masterful performance – that character was made for him. Very well played out – so if you want to see some great acting rent that movie. Okay – really don’t rent it, I wasn’t being serious.
I should note that I am currently reading A Great and Terrible Beauty with my Book club friends, suggested by Olivia, (good book) and sneaking Brisingr on the side (If you want to see the maturation of a writer as played out in a series, read his books).
Also –I was appointed the task today of teaching my mother to Instant Message. She discovered her IM feature on her computer and this was the extent of our conversation.
Mom: Hi
Me: Hi
Trust me - it's progress.
Well that’s it for now. I’m currently sipping on my writer’s elixir (a nice piping hot cup of French-pressed coffee) which is probably going to leave me wired for much of the remainder of the night - laying awake wondering why I thought drinking coffee at 9:40pm was a good idea (it seemed so glamorous and fitting at the time – I should stop trying to be glamorous – it really doesn't work for me).
Oh yeah, one more thing worthy of note, as you know Jers and I recently purchased a house that was built in 1912. My cool new book club friend told me (when Jeremy was out of town of course) that there is a ghostly presence in our living room that comes every so often to check on the house and make sure everything is in order. I took it really well at first and pretended not to be scared when they left (I even made myself do the dishes in the kitchen) and then I turned every light on in the house and ran upstairs and shut the door to our bedroom. I quickly realized (and I don’t need to go into the details of how) that the bathroom in our bedroom was out of toilet paper…what to do?? So I grabbed Seymour, our 20 pound cat and my hastily-deemed protector (okay let’s face it, those of you who know him know that he is no protector, but at least he would have made a great living object to fling at any ghostly presence) and, despite his loud whining protests, he accompanied me downstairs where I very rapidly grabbed a roll of toilet paper and stumbled up the stairs back to the bedroom. I figured since the figure only checks on the living room, my bedroom is a safe haven but I will admit, I have been doing my best to keep the living room clean and also to be more entertaining for the ethereal being. My cool new friend did say that she felt nothing but a sense of peace from our house which I do feel too, really. But still, my guard is up and I’m not ashamed to fling my 20 pound cat any shadowy figure in my living room that’s not supposed to be there. Sorry Seymour.
Monday, August 24, 2009
Time Spent in the E.R.
Well my friends, I have not written for a while and for that I apologize. It has been a long and tumultuous recovery since my surgery and I am finally beginning to feel like myself again. I cannot thank you enough for all of your support and love during this time – so I’m going to provide you with a little ‘gift’ a few things that I learned about Emergency Rooms from my many, many visits.
1. There is a 20% likelihood that during any given visit to the ER, you will encounter ‘Movie Star’ Doctor. Now ‘Movie Star’ Doctor is that special variety of males that one would call “pretty.” (not generally a good adjective for men – am I right?). I should note – the percentage likelihood of Movie Star Doctor making an appearance automatically rises when one’s particular ailment is high on the ‘Embarrassment Meter.’ I.E. – an issue dealing with one’s behind. Movie Star Doctor should not subject awkward girls to his presence (go make your living in Hollywood – where you belong – where other pretty males of your variety seem to congregate). In turn, awkward girls should not attempt to make jokes off the cuff with ‘Movie Star’ Doctor – I repeat – awkward girls should not attempt to be witty with Movie Star Doctor – this will only make the situation more embarrassing – especially when the wit goes horribly awry and fizzles out without a punch line. The best course of action is to remain serious and professional (like you are giving instructions on how to cook a chicken, or raise a sail on a boat, instead of describing, in detail, your particular variety of diarrhea). It was my fourth visit to the E.R. when I encountered ‘Movie Star’ Doctor and to give you an idea of what we are dealing with – he looked like Dr. Cullen from Twilight.
2. You will not be seen in order of appearance – so do not complain when you’ve been waiting two hours and an ambulance rushes in with a critical patient. Be comforted by the fact that the person paid a lot of money for that special ride and he or she is getting the royalty treatment….case closed.
3. In relation to the above – the Triage Nurse is, ultimately, the one who decides which person to take next – again – you will not be seen in order of appearance but, rather, by the level of your particular emergency which makes total sense (think about it – if you arrive with a severed finger, would YOU want to be made to wait three hours to be seen?). Some ER’s use the color system – green, yellow, and red – in respective order of elevation. Make friends with the Triage Nurse. I have a special blend of charm that I reserve solely for times that I am flying with my daughter as a lap child and I want to gain a free extra seat for her via the flight representative at the gate kiosk. It works every time. I quickly realized that this was the variety of charm to unleash on the triage nurse. I was elevated to a yellow. Not bad.
4. Bring one or more forms of entertainment because the likelihood is high that you will be waiting for at least two hours. But be aware – if the Triage Nurse comes out into the waiting room and sees you reading or texting on your phone – you may be downgraded to a green – so make sure to listen for the Triage Door. If the Triage door opens, immediately set the item down and close your eyes. Sigh if need be. Repeat this process as often as necessary.
5. If you are waiting to use the bathroom and a very large, older gentleman walks out with nothing on but a hospital gown that is hanging widely open in the back – find another restroom. Because any person who is not afraid to display his bare backside with so much pomp – likely has no qualms about doing things in the restroom that will have the next person quickly running out of it while gagging into their hand.
6. Be prepared to tell your story over and over again. In fact, write a monologue ahead of time – memorize it – practice it – add some choreography if need be – a sigh here – a hand on the brow there. Anything to make them take you seriously and get all of the facts covered. But DO NOT attempt to joke off the cuff – I repeat – DO NOT attempt to joke off the cuff. My wit generally passes through several filters before I deem it worthy to try on strangers. I think of things, revise them in my head, weigh heavily on the level of funniness and then present to my most dear friends first. We have been friends for so long that I do not have to prove to them that I am funny and vice versa – so, to me, this provides the perfect forum for ‘Testing the Waters.’ Now we’ve never openly talked about this but we bounce wittiness off of each other quite regularly. Sometimes, the moment of attempted wit is shot down in mid-sentence with a stern ‘NO.’ Or one of us will get to the end of our punchline and say “that wasn’t funny, was it.” We will all agree and move on. No embarrassment, no dwelling – the end. But ‘Testing the Waters’ should not be tried with strangers – especially ‘Movie Star’ doctor. Period.
7. The most quoted jokes I’ve heard from Doctor’s and Nurses over the course of the past two months:
a. “You have an extra crack!”
b. “What a pain in the butt!”
c. “What a wholly unholy hole.” (I kid you not)
8. Do not allow them give you intravenous pain medication. They dole it out like candy back there. Or – if you absolutely need it – make sure to consult with the Doctor first and give all of the facts of your ailment. And then enjoy your time in wonderland with pandas dancing on rainbows.
9. Well – this isn’t really something I learned but it was definitely my favorite waiting-room conversation. Picture a very prim and put-together woman in her mid-fifties sitting in a chair with her purse in her lap waiting to be seen for a bee-sting. Now picture a shouting crazy man with a skeleton t-shirt on and long greasy homeless hair in a hospital-issue wheelchair complaining loudly that he had been there for two hours and that it was (insert expletive) ridiculous because he was the first person in there and they were taking other people before him. The woman took it upon herself to kindly attempt to calm the crazy gentlemen through validation – telling him that she was the second one in and she remembered him being there before her. He went on to explain to her (in a shouting, crazy-man way) that he had thrown his back out and had to crawl into the E.R. and he needed pain medication (riiiight). She politely pointed out that they do not take people in order of arrival but by order of emergency. After thinking about this for a moment, in his wisdom, the man proceeded to invent a whole series of other, more serious ailments that he was currently dealing with – including: a bum liver, gallbladder issues, and – naturally - terminal cancer. He told her (and the rest of the E.R. that he was dying and there was no hope for him). The kind woman thought on this for a moment before replying:
“Well. Maybe that’s where you went wrong with the triage nurse. Maybe they are only taking the people that have hope and leaving the people that have no hope until they’ve taken care of all of the people with hope first.”
This quieted the man for the rest of the wait.
Ahh….E.R.’s. If I never see another one, I will be very happy. Love you all and sorry I haven’t written in a while – I will get better about writing but I do have to let you all know that I am going to be spending a lot of time on a little side project so I may not be able to post as often as I’d like but I will try. Bye for now.
1. There is a 20% likelihood that during any given visit to the ER, you will encounter ‘Movie Star’ Doctor. Now ‘Movie Star’ Doctor is that special variety of males that one would call “pretty.” (not generally a good adjective for men – am I right?). I should note – the percentage likelihood of Movie Star Doctor making an appearance automatically rises when one’s particular ailment is high on the ‘Embarrassment Meter.’ I.E. – an issue dealing with one’s behind. Movie Star Doctor should not subject awkward girls to his presence (go make your living in Hollywood – where you belong – where other pretty males of your variety seem to congregate). In turn, awkward girls should not attempt to make jokes off the cuff with ‘Movie Star’ Doctor – I repeat – awkward girls should not attempt to be witty with Movie Star Doctor – this will only make the situation more embarrassing – especially when the wit goes horribly awry and fizzles out without a punch line. The best course of action is to remain serious and professional (like you are giving instructions on how to cook a chicken, or raise a sail on a boat, instead of describing, in detail, your particular variety of diarrhea). It was my fourth visit to the E.R. when I encountered ‘Movie Star’ Doctor and to give you an idea of what we are dealing with – he looked like Dr. Cullen from Twilight.
2. You will not be seen in order of appearance – so do not complain when you’ve been waiting two hours and an ambulance rushes in with a critical patient. Be comforted by the fact that the person paid a lot of money for that special ride and he or she is getting the royalty treatment….case closed.
3. In relation to the above – the Triage Nurse is, ultimately, the one who decides which person to take next – again – you will not be seen in order of appearance but, rather, by the level of your particular emergency which makes total sense (think about it – if you arrive with a severed finger, would YOU want to be made to wait three hours to be seen?). Some ER’s use the color system – green, yellow, and red – in respective order of elevation. Make friends with the Triage Nurse. I have a special blend of charm that I reserve solely for times that I am flying with my daughter as a lap child and I want to gain a free extra seat for her via the flight representative at the gate kiosk. It works every time. I quickly realized that this was the variety of charm to unleash on the triage nurse. I was elevated to a yellow. Not bad.
4. Bring one or more forms of entertainment because the likelihood is high that you will be waiting for at least two hours. But be aware – if the Triage Nurse comes out into the waiting room and sees you reading or texting on your phone – you may be downgraded to a green – so make sure to listen for the Triage Door. If the Triage door opens, immediately set the item down and close your eyes. Sigh if need be. Repeat this process as often as necessary.
5. If you are waiting to use the bathroom and a very large, older gentleman walks out with nothing on but a hospital gown that is hanging widely open in the back – find another restroom. Because any person who is not afraid to display his bare backside with so much pomp – likely has no qualms about doing things in the restroom that will have the next person quickly running out of it while gagging into their hand.
6. Be prepared to tell your story over and over again. In fact, write a monologue ahead of time – memorize it – practice it – add some choreography if need be – a sigh here – a hand on the brow there. Anything to make them take you seriously and get all of the facts covered. But DO NOT attempt to joke off the cuff – I repeat – DO NOT attempt to joke off the cuff. My wit generally passes through several filters before I deem it worthy to try on strangers. I think of things, revise them in my head, weigh heavily on the level of funniness and then present to my most dear friends first. We have been friends for so long that I do not have to prove to them that I am funny and vice versa – so, to me, this provides the perfect forum for ‘Testing the Waters.’ Now we’ve never openly talked about this but we bounce wittiness off of each other quite regularly. Sometimes, the moment of attempted wit is shot down in mid-sentence with a stern ‘NO.’ Or one of us will get to the end of our punchline and say “that wasn’t funny, was it.” We will all agree and move on. No embarrassment, no dwelling – the end. But ‘Testing the Waters’ should not be tried with strangers – especially ‘Movie Star’ doctor. Period.
7. The most quoted jokes I’ve heard from Doctor’s and Nurses over the course of the past two months:
a. “You have an extra crack!”
b. “What a pain in the butt!”
c. “What a wholly unholy hole.” (I kid you not)
8. Do not allow them give you intravenous pain medication. They dole it out like candy back there. Or – if you absolutely need it – make sure to consult with the Doctor first and give all of the facts of your ailment. And then enjoy your time in wonderland with pandas dancing on rainbows.
9. Well – this isn’t really something I learned but it was definitely my favorite waiting-room conversation. Picture a very prim and put-together woman in her mid-fifties sitting in a chair with her purse in her lap waiting to be seen for a bee-sting. Now picture a shouting crazy man with a skeleton t-shirt on and long greasy homeless hair in a hospital-issue wheelchair complaining loudly that he had been there for two hours and that it was (insert expletive) ridiculous because he was the first person in there and they were taking other people before him. The woman took it upon herself to kindly attempt to calm the crazy gentlemen through validation – telling him that she was the second one in and she remembered him being there before her. He went on to explain to her (in a shouting, crazy-man way) that he had thrown his back out and had to crawl into the E.R. and he needed pain medication (riiiight). She politely pointed out that they do not take people in order of arrival but by order of emergency. After thinking about this for a moment, in his wisdom, the man proceeded to invent a whole series of other, more serious ailments that he was currently dealing with – including: a bum liver, gallbladder issues, and – naturally - terminal cancer. He told her (and the rest of the E.R. that he was dying and there was no hope for him). The kind woman thought on this for a moment before replying:
“Well. Maybe that’s where you went wrong with the triage nurse. Maybe they are only taking the people that have hope and leaving the people that have no hope until they’ve taken care of all of the people with hope first.”
This quieted the man for the rest of the wait.
Ahh….E.R.’s. If I never see another one, I will be very happy. Love you all and sorry I haven’t written in a while – I will get better about writing but I do have to let you all know that I am going to be spending a lot of time on a little side project so I may not be able to post as often as I’d like but I will try. Bye for now.
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